Thursday, August 4, 2011

They Say Time Heals...

The first year after we lost Wayne I would say I could keep it together 50% of the time. The second year, 80%. Today is what should be his 30th birthday. I wonder, all the time, what would he be doiing these days? But especially today. Who would he be celebrating with? What would he have accomplished between his last birthday on this earth 2 years ago and now? For those who knew him you know the possibilities are endless. When he set his mind to something, there was absolutely no stopping him. He was a speeding bullet. Speaking of.... one day we went shooting in the desert. Our targets were the basket of easter eggs my mom had recently used in a primary lesson. Ha ha sorry mom, they served us well.

Look at his smile!

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Sometimes I would try to look hardcore, but it just looks....deformed

I could only imagine my mom must feel like a chunk of her heart is missing on this day. I have done so much reflecting today. I want to point out that I checked the weather Sunday night- yesterday and today were forecasted as clear! The rest of the week had showers, but that lightning show last night (much like he night he passed, and his funeral was like a movie!), anyway that lightning last night was not forecasted. At least not from my app. I even checked during the storm, look at the time:

I tell you this knowing you might think im trying to see signs, or trying to believe he's still near. I promise the weather is the only corresponding thing ive ever noticed between heaven and earth. I wish I could feel him near, just once. But I don't dare hope for it.

Wayne was one of a kind. Ill never meet another person like him. Love and miss him every day, usually I can think of him and smile. But certain days/seasons its
still hard to believe, and yes it hurts. Like a kick to the gut. I think as time goes on it will get easier. Lexus has helped heal my heart so much. Im so thankful to be blessed with such supporting friends and family. all the texts and messages i recieve are so meaningful to me. August pretty much is the pit of the year for my fam. So we'll cry today, we'll laugh today, and then cry some more. Its healthy. Tomorrow is a new day and life will go on. Until we meet again Wayne, Love you

PS I promise ill do a happy post next

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