Thursday, August 27, 2009

Death; I cannot wait to die... *warning, contains some religious thoughts, please don't take offense if you don't share the same feelings on religion*

Honestly! Now, don't get me wrong, im in no hurry, but when the time comes I will be glad to cross over to the other side! Do you wanna know what brought this on? Ok, so the other night, Chaz (The Husb.) was comforting me after a hard day at the hospital. A frequent occurance as of late. Well something he said stuck with me. He said to me, "you know in a hundred years from now none of this will matter." I looked at him with an expression that translated: what on earth do you mean, you crazy person? He continued," well in a hundred years, you'll be with him in a much happier place and for forever." I said, yeah thats true and I continued to feel not much hope because regardless I want my brother to stay on Earth with me for a long long time.

Last night, I was once again in a hopeless state of mind after a not-so-uplifting hospital visit. Basically no progression, just complications, but he's fighting through them. So, Im crying, as usual, at home when that conversation Chaz had with me finally CLICKED! How completely selffish I have been, trying to keep Wayne here on this miserable Earth for maybe longer than he needs be. Think about it, Wayne's whole life has been trials. "The lord chastizes those whom he loves". Well its very apparent to all of us who know Wayne how blessed, and cursed he always has been. I finally understand, the plan! Our father in heaven loves my brother/His Son, more than even I am capable of. All of the pain I am feeling is only a fraction of the pain our father in heaven is feeling having to watch one of his beloved sons suffer so tremendously. If the lord decides to take Wayne from this Earth, it will be to a far better, happier place, and he will heal him. Finally! He wants to help him, im sure of that!

So, although I will do everything in my power to keep pulling for Wayne to make it through (because, essentially I am selffish). I can be at peace if things don't go the way I want because I love my brother very much and I know he will be happy, and whole as soon as he crosses over and is in the lord's loving arms. I hope my new-found outlook can help to comfort those of you who are so caring, and worried for him. It is such a hard time for all of us, but also a time to grow. As I said before, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for all of your prayers, thoughts, and Love!


Wayne is till in very critical condition, not much change in his condition, a few complications like pneumonia, and staph infection. Blood sugars, stuff that sometimes goes wrong in these situations, and in Wayne's case always WILL go wrong. So he's fighting the complications which is preventing a quicker recovery. His brain activity is real low and he isn't recognizing people or questions. They say its temporary. Also the infection in and around his lungs has worsened. The only plus so far this week is they took him off all 5 blood pressure meds, so he's maintaining that himself.


Hardwick Family said...

O amber!! This is so much scarier than I thought!! But you are so right with everything you said! This is why we have the gospel! This is such a short lifetime! There are so much better things in the future to come! The Lord knows what is best, right? I know this gives comfort to so many people, I'm happy you have it!

chazandamber said...

Thanks Sasha! Love ya!

LiciRae said...

Amber, I can't believe that you are even old enough to be married. I don't know that you remember me, Felicia Fish. Lived on the corner. Anyway, we heard about Wayne and have been praying for your family and I'm checking your blog for updates. I hope it gets better soon. Please tell your family we are thinking about them.

chazandamber said...

Oh wow! Yeah, I remember your family! Ill be sure to tell my parents you found my blog! Crazy! Thank you so much!

Rach said...

Hey Amber Im so sorry to hear about your brother. Thank you for that insight on heaven and heavenly fathers plan it makes so much sense! And it was also a very comforting post! I will pray for you and your family and don't forget Families are Forever! Love ya girl!