Friday, December 25, 2009

Christmas Presence

Merry Christmas! Yes, today is Christmas, the day of the savior's birth. Santa Clause visited us, and our families, and it was truly a day of presents and celebration. But to be honest, there was something missing. We had plenty of presents wrapped in pretty packages. There was food galore eveerywhere we went. But I felt empty, hollow, sad even. I really tried hard not to think of the empty bedroom in my parent's house where my favorite brother lived. But my friends, I failed. In the car at 7 a.m. on the way to Chaz's parents I sobbed and tears washed away all my make up. By the time we pulled up my eyes were red and puffy, my eyes black and streaks were down my cheeks. I said a prayer pleading that I could get through this day. I've said alot of those. So I stopped crying and we went inside. Either noone noticed my puffy red eyes, or they knew but were being polite and saw past it. The morning over there was delightful, everyone unwrapping their gifts, I nearly forgot my earlier breakdown.

Then we went to my parents. My parents and sisters were holding it together, but I brokedown 3 times. My dad then showed me last year's video with me and Wayne going at it, back and forth just joking around, it truly brightened my day. We always lit up around one another, it was a special bond we had. One that I am grateful for. Sasha and Matt Hardwick came over, Matt was Wayne's very best friend since birth. More tears were shed, I appreciated their support in coming over.

Last stop was my grandparents house. Lots of Wonderful cousins were there, and I loved seeing them. My grandparents handed out our gifts and we all unwrapped them. Then my mom got one, and the look on her face brought tears to my eyes. My grandma hand stitched a poem that my mom's sister wrote for Wayne's funeral program. As that was passed around more tears were shed.

The rest of the day we went by smoothly, we visited and laughed and played with our presents. Christmas had a whole new meaning this year, I truly enjoyed watching everyone open gifts, and soaked in seeing everyone. Christmas this year wasn't about the presents, it was about the presence of loved ones. Im thankful the savior was born today, and lived and died so that we can be together forever. Have a merry day after Christmas shopping day! I know I will!


Hardwick Family said...

Love you Amber!! I am so sorry for what you are going through! Sometimes I seriously cant stand to think of you going through this!

Brimhall Girls said...

Amber, my Love! I love you girl, Everyone has trials in their life. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you, I'm so sorry, I'm soo glad that you have such a good husband and family to lean on and help you through the hard times. I agree with you about the meaning of christmas, I had a totally diferent outlook on Christmas this year as well, Its so awesome to have the gospel in our lives! love you girl, your the best! hope all is well!

Kelsey and Dallas said...

hey lady, I love your post and you probably felt a lot better after you wrote it huh? writing down my feelings always helps me. You are so good at finding the good in a crappy situation and I think you're doing that with this one too. i love ya girl, thanks for sharin :)

ashley wright said...

AMBER YOU ARE AMAZING!!! of course i cried my eyes out reading your sweet post about christmas presence. Youre absolutely right about all you said. What a great family you have. We love you so much!!

Thanks again for putting our family trip to Matta's together! it was great :)