At night I like to take a bath and read my old journals. It literally takes me back another time, and another frame of mind. I have been pretty good at keeping journals throughout my whole life. What a blessing that has been. But reminiscing can be a scary thing. There are dark periods we go through in life and I can re-feel everything as I read through those times. On the other hand, I re-live my glory days in beauty school, and after. Dating Chaz, and getting married! Such extreme emotions in both directions.
One of my greatest joys is reading about me and Wayne. And how much FUN we had together! All the late night Wal Mart runs, the drives to Payson, trips to Mexico. We seriously had so much ridiculous fun together! (some might say TOO much, but I have no regrets). We were, for a time, each other's best friend. When I hurt, he hurt and vice versa. When he got divorced and hurt so deeply, I couldn't imagine that pain, but I hurt too. Some nights we would stay up and talk all night long. We spent one Sunday driving all around town looking for places to rent. That was such a fun day! We never did it, but just thinking about it was fun. I was so blessed to have a sybling I would rather hangout with than anyone else. The best part was I NEVER took it for granted. Wayne was my idol my whole life. In my eyes he did no wrong. When I was finally old enough and cool enough he wanted to hangout with me I felt like I could die happy. Thats probably what drew everyone to him. He made you feel on top of the world, he had this sense of confidence that was contagious! I always wished I could be confident and funny, and sarcastic just like him. He literally could light up a room with his infectious smile, and witty remarks. Man, I was really blessed to be his sister. I sometimes picture him up there in heaven cracking jokes in a big crowd of prestigious church leaders. Where I would be sitting there intimidated, he could just burst in there like he owned the place. He has such a huge presence about him. I honestly can't wait to see him again. I imagine him welcoming me to heaven and it comforts me. Im pretty lucky to have such a cool brother waiting for me.