Monday, April 11, 2011

time traveling

At night I like to take a bath and read my old journals. It literally takes me back another time, and another frame of mind. I have been pretty good at keeping journals throughout my whole life. What a blessing that has been. But reminiscing can be a scary thing. There are dark periods we go through in life and I can re-feel everything as I read through those times. On the other hand, I re-live my glory days in beauty school, and after. Dating Chaz, and getting married! Such extreme emotions in both directions.
One of my greatest joys is reading about me and Wayne. And how much FUN we had together! All the late night Wal Mart runs, the drives to Payson, trips to Mexico. We seriously had so much ridiculous fun together! (some might say TOO much, but I have no regrets). We were, for a time, each other's best friend. When I hurt, he hurt and vice versa. When he got divorced and hurt so deeply, I couldn't imagine that pain, but I hurt too. Some nights we would stay up and talk all night long. We spent one Sunday driving all around town looking for places to rent. That was such a fun day! We never did it, but just thinking about it was fun. I was so blessed to have a sybling I would rather hangout with than anyone else. The best part was I NEVER took it for granted. Wayne was my idol my whole life. In my eyes he did no wrong. When I was finally old enough and cool enough he wanted to hangout with me I felt like I could die happy. Thats probably what drew everyone to him. He made you feel on top of the world, he had this sense of confidence that was contagious! I always wished I could be confident and funny, and sarcastic just like him. He literally could light up a room with his infectious smile, and witty remarks. Man, I was really blessed to be his sister. I sometimes picture him up there in heaven cracking jokes in a big crowd of prestigious church leaders. Where I would be sitting there intimidated, he could just burst in there like he owned the place. He has such a huge presence about him. I honestly can't wait to see him again. I imagine him welcoming me to heaven and it comforts me. Im pretty lucky to have such a cool brother waiting for me.



Hardwick Family said...

I'm so glad you have those memories!! I bet you have read things that you wouldnt have remembered otherwise. When I think of Wayne I totally think all those things!!! Never a dole moment!: )

Kelsey and Dallas said...

Way to put a girl in tears! Amber, what a cool thing to have all those memories written down. Brothers always have such a soft spot in our hearts. I love reading my journal, but I can totally relate that sometimes it's not so good to relive some of the feelings I wrote down. You are soo strong to go through something so huge in your life. I bet you're right about your bro crackin everybody up in the spirit world. I'm CERTAIN we keep our personalities with us forever. Sounds like he was a pretty awesome guy :)

ashley wright said...

I love this Amber. Seriously, you and Wayne are 2 peas in a pod. You love that kid and he LOVES you. You talk about Wayne's awesome and hilarious personality, his wittyness and his smile- AND SERIOUSLY, you have those same great qualities! It's funny, I think of Wayne and how funny he's probably being in Heaven- of course he's making everyone laugh! I think he's a great example in so many ways. I'm so glad you have your journals. What a blessing to you.
Also, love your other posts- I love how darling Lexus is. She's getting more and more beautiful all the time!!
Let's go swimming with the girls this summer!!

love you girl!